What I Learned In Clinical Psychology Grad School

by Storm A. King

1) Do not do long term psychotherapy on someone for psychosomatic headaches only to have them die on you from a brain tumor.

2) It is not OK to have sex with your clients, even when it is in their best interest.

3) Don't spend hours developing a great treatment plan for someone based on their MMPI results, and then find out they can't read.

4) Caffeine-Induced Disorders are in the DSM-1V, but do not qualify as an excuse for a failed exam.

5) There is a statistically significant difference (p<.05) between apples and oranges.

6) The cost of the books for any one class is directly related to the ego of that class's instructor, and inversely related to the amount of knowledge you learn in it.

7) If your first client has been in therapy longer than you've been in grad school, don't try anything tricky.

8) The difference between psychoanalytic therapists and cognitive/behavioral therapists is a matter of unconscious beliefs, if you are the former, and a matter of cognitive distortions, if you are the later.

9) Depending on your cultural background, a Ph. D. in clinical psychology stands for

a) Piled High and Deep
b) Pretty Heavy, Dude
c) Psychic Healing Dispenser
d) Psychologically Heavily Disabled

10) A dissertation is not what you do for a career, it just feels that way.

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Storm A. King is a Ph. D. candidate in a clinical psychology program. His current research projects are designed to determine the therapeutic value of virtual support groups, the self-help, mutual-aid groups that meet electronically. His has also proposed various ways that psychologists and mental health workers can use computer mediated communication to facilitate individual and group therapy efforts, and has written about the ethical considerations involved in the use of human subjects in the study of the psychology of virtual communities.