My partner and I have been together for
over 4 years, and I don't know what happened to the wonderful relationship we
had. I fell for her because she was so easy to talk to and now we hardly talk
at all. She's been real depressed since her surgery, but she's been taking
medicine for depression so I thought the depression would go away. We fight all
the time. Please help.
Sounds like it's been a rough time for
both of you. It's no fun living with someone who is severely depressed, and it's
no fun being depressed. There are several different questions you might want to
explore. Do you have good support systems? Friends, a member of the clergy,
relatives? If not, you need to find people to talk with. None of us functions
well in isolation. Do the two of you need help with communication? If so,
couples counseling might be appropriate. Is your partner's depression related to
the surgery? If so, she might want to consider finding a therapist. Also, if
your partner thinks the antidepressant isn't working, has she told whoever is
If either or both of you decide to look
for a psychotherapist, try either the nearest gay and lesbian center or, if
you're in the U.S., your state psychological association for a referral.
Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein,
Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks
and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional
audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT
HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.