Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I am an adult child of homosexual parents. I'm gay too, but married and trying to fake it. My father knew he was gay before his marriage, but was told by a psychiatrist to get married. He had an affair with a male friend while he was married to my mother, and came out of the closet when I was about 21 years old. That's when my parents got divorced. My mother is a lesbian, but still in the closet despite a series of relationships with women since the divorce.

It feels awfully lonely in this spot. Can you direct me to resources related to this type of situation? I'd also like to communicate with others from similar situations. Thanks for your help.

Answer

My heart goes out to you--you sound like you're in considerable pain. It makes sense that you're "faking it." After all, that's what both your parents did.

I suggest you look for two kinds of resources: (1) those for people who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual and are or have been heterosexually married; and (2) resources for children of lesbian, gay, and bisexual parents. PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is one good starting place. Many of their local chapters have groups or other services for people in your situation. You can reach their national headquarters at PFLAGNTL@aol.com.

You might also contact Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE) at kidsofgays@aol.com, or the Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition International at famvalues@aol.com.

03/13/98

Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.