Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I have been getting along with a girl for almost a year. One day she told me that she likes women. But the worst thing is that she loves man and woman at the same time. I really don't know what to do as I really love her. And I don't want to lose her. So by any chance, can you give me some advice? She said she can also have orgasms with women too. It's the first time that I have heard of a person can have both sexual reactions. I would very much appreciate it if you can provide information about bisexual women, like behavior, psychological demands or whatever.

Answer

Thanks for writing. Yes, people who are bisexual can be attracted to both men and women, and there's nothing abnormal about that. It's one of the ways people experience their sexuality. And yes, it's possible for a person to have orgasms with both women and men. That doesn't say anything about who you are. A bisexual woman can be attracted to people of all sexual orientations.

One of the common myths about bisexual people, especially if they are women, is that they engage in a lot of group sex. That's just a myth: those who are bisexual are just as varied as the rest of us when it comes to sex and relationships. Some are celibate, some are monogamous, some engage in group sex, and so forth.

It's the quality of the relationship that matters, not the sexual orientations of the people involved. If you love her and it's a good relationship, that's what is important.

Hope this helps.

03/13/98

Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.