Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I came out to myself about a year ago at the ripe old age of 32 and am still trying to figure out men's relationships. I was heterosexually married for a while and dated women before that. My relationships with men seem different somehow. Don't get me wrong. I love men! But I get confused about how to act with them. What do you recommend?

Answer

Sounds like you're on the right track. It's true that gay men's relationships do differ in some important ways from heterosexual and lesbian couples. Have you talked with friends about your questions? That might be a good way to start. Also, I recommend a book called Intimacy Between Men: How to Find and Keep Gay Love Relationships, by John H. Driggs, M.S.W. and Stephen E. Finn, Ph.D., published by Plume. They do a nice job of describing many common issues faced by gay men.

3/14/98

Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.