I'm a heterosexual man and my best friend is a lesbian. I find our relationship very confusing.
Sometimes I think she's sexually attracted to me, and I know I feel that way about her. Could she be
going straight even though she has a girlfriend?
Thanks for writing. It's easy to see how you might be confused. Sexual attraction is complicated and filled with
gray areas. There are some people who are so completely heterosexual that they never feel attracted to members
of the same gender, and some people who are so completely lesbian or gay that they never feel attracted to
members of the opposite gender, but most of us are somewhere in between. Many heterosexual men occasionally
feel attracted to other men. Some may act on that attraction, some never do. Similarly, many lesbians occasionally
find men attractive and may or may not act on those feelings.
This is a long-winded way of saying your friend may find you attractive, but that doesn't necessarily mean she is
going to stop identifying herself as a lesbian. Have you talked with her about your confusion? That may be the best
way to handle the situation.
It's nice to see you being thoughtful about this issue.
Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein,
Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks
and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional
audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT
HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.