Is it possible for a gay person to be happy in a heterosexual marriage? I married a wonderful man (I'm
a woman), and later realized my sexual orientation.
I like my husband but we don't have sex very often. What's more, I'm not very interested in sex with
women or men, which is very confusing. I don't know if I'm not highly sexed by nature, or if it's related
to my eating disorder. I want to save my marriage, but I wonder if I'm just fooling myself.
Thanks for writing. It sounds like there are two important questions facing you. One is whether to stay in your
marriage, and the other is how your eating disorder might be affecting your sexual feelings.
You asked whether someone who is lesbian or gay can be happy married to someone who is heterosexual and the
opposite gender. There isn't any simple answer to that question. It depends on what you want out of marriage, how
your spouse feels about it, and what agreements the two of you have about relationships outside the marriage. If
you have friends you trust, people whose opinions you value, it might be helpful to discuss these questions your
You didn't mention whether you are getting any help with your eating disorder via self-help groups or a
professional therapist. If you are not already getting help, I strongly recommend you do so. Eating disorders can
be complex and difficult, and no one need deal with them alone. You can get to the Eating Disorders Department
for SelfhelpMagazine.com by going to our Articles page and then clicking on Eating Disorders. Your
local psychological association or the nearest Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual Center can provide the names of
psychotherapists in your area.
Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein,
Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks
and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional
audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT
HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.