I am gay and have a wonderful boyfriend. He is
absolutely perfect in my eyes and he knows that I think that. He has Gender
Identity Disorder, which does not bother me in the least, but I think that he
feels that it does. What I need to know is how to make him believe that I am ok
with this. Also, is there anything that I can do to make him feel more
comfortable. I realize that he needs a "strong man", someone to
dominate him, but how should I act? I have always been myself to him and always
will, but is there anything that I can do?
You've asked some challenging questions.
Before I get to them, I want to respond to your request that I not post your
address. We *never* post the address of anyone who writes to any Self- Help &
Psychology Magazine question and answer department--unless you ask us to do so.
Now to your questions. While I am
experienced in dealing with gay and lesbian issues, I do not have experience
with transexual or gender identity concerns. You might want to seek out someone
who is experienced for a more informed opinion.
You asked what you can do to "make
your boyfriend believe you." No one can ever make someone believe
something. What you can do is to act in ways that show him how you feel. By the
same token, you can't make him feel more comfortable, but you can do things that
help him feel comfortable. I suggest you ask him ideas about what to do.
By the way, I'm a bit concerned that you
think he's "absolutely perfect," just because no one is perfect, even
the most wonderful of us.
To learn more about Gender Identity
Disorder, try joining the alt.transgendered newsgroup. Also, Lambda Rising, the
gay bookstore, has a bibliography that includes books like Uninvited
Dilemma; Stuart, Kim Elizabeth; $12.95. Their bibliography describes
this book as "A clear-headed discussion of Transexualism, cross-dressing,
gender roles, psychology of transexualism and socialization of transsexuals."
Hope these suggestions help.
Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein,
Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks
and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional
audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT
HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.