Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transgendered Department

Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other staff.


I'm a bisexual woman who is happily married to a man. He worries that I'll run off and leave him for a woman, even though I've been faithful to him for over ten years. I dated both men and women before we got married and still occasionally feel attracted to other people, but I take my marriage vows very seriously. I don't see that my passing attractions for others, male or female, are any different than my husband's passing attractions for other women. Neither of us acts on those feelings, and that's what's important. How can I help him stop worrying?


The reality is that bisexual people are just as capable of being monogamous as heterosexual or gay or lesbian people. However, one of the many myths our culture perpetuates is the myth that bisexual, lesbian and gay people are all sex-crazed and unable to control their impulses. Your husband's worries may be related to that myth, and to lack of information. If you don't know other bisexual people, you may want to find out if there are any bisexual organizations in your area that can provide information and support. One good book on the topic is Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out, edited by Loraine Hutchins and Lani Kaahumanu. You may also find useful information at the Bisexual Options home page - Hope this is helpful.


Author and psychologist Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the new audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.


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