QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered Department

Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

A few weeks ago I met a man I find very attractive, and he said he's interested in me. However, we haven't done anything because he's in a five year relationship. Yesterday he told me his partner was upset about how much time we're spending together, so he told his partner he had recruited me to form a sexual threesome with them. I don't know what to do: I don't find his partner attractive and I don't want a threesome, but I sure like him.

Answer

You don't have to do anything sexual that you don't want to do. It sounds like your friend made up the threesome story to avoid trouble with his partner. The fact that he failed to ask you if you wanted a threesome is not a good sign. It suggests he didn't consider the effect of his lie on you. You are under no obligation to go along with a threesome if you don't want to participate: after all, he didn't ask you what you wanted. I hope you will take care of yourself and base your decision on your desires and feelings. And whenever you are sexual, do remember to use safer sex practices.

02/18/99

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