QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking
behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy
or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed
in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of
other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.
I have been involved with a guy that was dating my roommate. They
never officially broke it off; she just went home for the summer. I really
like him and don't know how to tell her or whether I should. I don't know
how things will be when we return to school. I feel like I'm a bitch for
getting involved with him and disregarding our friendship; she is one of my
I am not sure what you mean by "dating." I assume, since you feel
so bad and are writing to this column, that you mean more than just going to
the movies. I also assume that your roommate was more involved with this guy
than just a casual dating relationship.
Romances may come and go while friendships can last for a lifetime. You may
want to ask yourself what is more important to you, a short-term
relationship or a long-term friendship?
Should romances be solely a matter of convenience? Just because someone is
handy, and expresses interest, does that mean we should follow through? When
do we postpone immediate gratification for long-term goals and values? What
are your personal values and does your current behavior demonstrate your
integrity? The fact that you feel like a "bitch" suggests that you are not
liking yourself. Is this relationship worth your integrity and self-respect?
How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? How would you want
your roommate to handle the situation if you were on the receiving end?
And what does this say about your choice in men? Here is a man who is still
in a relationship with one of your best friends and chooses to take up with
you. Will you be next? What about his character? I know I have raised more
questions than answers. But I believe that if you answer the questions, you
will be able to come up with your own conclusions and a course of action.
Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist,
Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing
psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years.
He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation,
couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and
assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing
Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.