It seems that there are great many guys out there who put on a show of being nice,
friendly, gentlemanly when I first meet them and then they
turn out to be real creeps. They seem to be wolves in lamb's clothing. I refer
to this as the Jekle-Hyde syndrome. How can I weed out the jerks?
Text of answer goes here.
There's no easy answer to this question. There are several approaches that
may increase the probability of meeting appropriate men who
are genuinely nice. There are several variables to consider: 1) where you are
looking, 2) what you are looking for, and 3) developing an early detection
sense about men.
You can increase the probability of finding an appropriate person by looking
in appropriate places. You are less likely to find an appropriate mate in
a bar than you are in a museum. In other words, if you try to meet someone
in a bar or club, many of the people who attend are merely seeking a temporary
companion. In these environments, most people are putting on some type of
act. In a museum or other activity, people are interested in the activity
first, meeting people second. Therefore, they are more likely to authentic.
Knowing what you want in a relationship is helpful, especially if you develop
a plan for meeting this type of person. Ask yourself where you would most
likely find a man with the desired qualities and interests. Since meeting
appropriate companions is often a crapshoot, you should figure out ways of
increasing the odds in your favor.
Becoming more attentive to subtle cues will also help in weeding out the "creeps."
Learning about previous relationships and how and why they ended gives information
about how he will relate to women. Listening to attitudes
about life, women, relationships will give you considerable information early
on to help you decide whether he is work a second date. If you are more
concerned about impressing him, how you look, or whether he is interested,
you will miss out on these cues.
Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist,
Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing
psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years.
He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation,
couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and
assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing
Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.