I never met someone more honest than the boyfriend I have been with
for almost two years. I am extremely comfortable with him, but we do not have
any sexual chemistry. I have always been aware of this, but figured that
since I was 22, it was time to stop being so picky. There is this other guy
whom I have known since college and with whom I have great intellectual and
physical chemistry. However, he broke my heart. Until recently, we had not
seen each other in a year. I still find him attractive and want to see him.
He says that he is sorry that he hurt me and wants to try again. Are intense
physical and intellectual attraction worth sacrificing a comfortable happy
You believe that you have to choose between an honest comfortable
relationship, on the one hand, and a stimulating, exciting relationship with
someone who broke your heart. You believe that at 22 you should be ready to
settle down and not be so picky.
Twenty-two years of age is not the end of the line and these two relationships
are not the only choices available to you. Often people believe that they
have to choose between comfort and excitement in relationships as if they
cannot co-exist. If they choose comfort, they often regret not having had the
excitement and wonder what their life would have been like had they made the
other choice. If they choose excitement, the thrill often fades and they wish
they had made the other choice. You will find that you can have comfort,
honesty, intellectual stimulation, and physical chemistry all in the same
package. It just may take bit more patience. Your life is just beginning to
unfold. Perhaps you are not being picky, but discriminating, not willing to
settle for less than what you want. In a few years you may find that you have
even more requirements for a prospective mate.
Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist,
Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing
psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years.
He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation,
couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and
assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing
Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.