My girlfriend of 5 1/2 years with whom I've been living for two years
is very loving, giving and hardworking. However, she is extremely jealous.
She accuses me of lying, cheating and being untrustworthy, when in fact it is
she that is the guilty one, and has been caught red-handed.
She wants to monopolize all of my time and resents any time I spend with my children. She
cannot take even slight criticism without blowing up. She is capable of
striking out both verbally and physically without warning for hours at a time.
She becomes physically abusive with fists flying. One time she ripped a hand-full
of hair out of my head. The police have been called several times because
of her violent behavior. She yells and screams at her children.
I love her but feel that the time has come to recognize that she has a serious illness of
mental health that is affecting everyone close to her. Any suggestions or
thoughts will be very much appreciated.
It is surprising that you waited this long before your realized that something was wrong.
You should have left long ago and saved yourself and your own children
a great deal of unnecessary pain. You are in an abusive relationship with
someone who is very disturbed. Until she sees that she
needs psychological intervention, however, there is nothing that you can do to
help her. I suggest that you read some of the other material that appears at
this site at Verbal Violence: When Words Wound
as well as other sites dealing with spousal abuse.
Your girlfriend can be helped if she wants to receive it. There are mental
professionals that specialize in dealing with people who cannot control their
emotions to the point of becoming verbally explosive and physically violent.
There are support groups for youngsters to help them cope with abusive
parents. You would be doing well to help her children find such sources.
If she has been physically violent with her children, you might consider calling
you local social agency or the police. No one should have to put up with
physical abuse, especially children. If she has been abusive toward the
children, you would be doing both she and the children a favor by reporting
her. This way she might recognize the seriousness of her behavior and get the
help she needs.
Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist,
Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing
psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years.
He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation,
couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and
assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing
Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.