I have been dating this man for 10 months. Our sex life has been one
that is growing and developing. My partner always complains about how he
wants to get closer to me. I am receptive to his requests both emotionally
and sexually, but it never seems to be enough for him.
I feel worn and exhausted. I feel he uses sex as a release of tension and
without consideration for me.
It appears that you feel your relationship has been growing with this man,
but you also sound like you are not being related to for who you are. It
sounds like an activity is going on, but consideration for your needs is
lacking. You may consider mentioning this to your partner when you are not
involved in sexual activity at first, and then again when you begin to have
sexual contact. If he is using sexuality as a tension releaser rather than as a
bonding and relating activity, it might be important you point this out to
him. If he has so much tension, maybe he could find other outlets as exercise or
talking to a psychologist, to release some of his tension. If his tension
decreases, and your ability to communicate together about what you each need
from the experience, perhaps your sexual activity will become more
meaningful a for both of you. Reaching this goal should leave you energized
rather than exhausted.
Dr. Patricia Pitta is a clinical psychologist
practicing in Manhasset, New York, for more than 20 years. She is a Diplomat
in Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association and an Approved
Supervisor of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. Pitta
is also the President of the Long Island Association of Marriage and Family
She has created a treatment modality that enables the partners to accept
responsibility for their parts in relationship problems leading to resolution
of issues without getting stuck in blame. She encourages self growth which
enhances couple growth and family development.