Can I find love if I failed at two marriages. I tried so hard to make the
relationship work, but I feel worn and beaten. What can I do?
I can understand your feelings. Trying hard is good. The question to answer
is, "Were the two of you trying?" Were you the only one trying? If the
answer is yes, then, you can ask yourself the question, "Why did I accept
this role and do it twice"? Theory says we keep repeating the same mistake
in an attempt to heal it, fix it, or forget it. But repeating the mistake,
only gets you worn out.
This feeling of being worn can be transformed into a
time to reflect. Ask yourself, "Where did this pattern begin?" More than
likely, it began in your childhood with patterns that were created with
interactions with your parents. If you can identify this pattern, it is
important to recognize it, feel it and work on not repeating it. When
familiar situations come up where you have to try too hard, ask yourself,
"What am I repeating"?
If you can't stop yourself, it would be helpful to
consult with a family psychologist. Also read the article,
or Kindness? by Marlene Maheu, Ph.D.
Dr. Patricia Pitta is a clinical psychologist
practicing in Manhasset, New York, for more than 20 years. She is a Diplomat
in Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association and an Approved
Supervisor of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. Pitta
is also the President of the Long Island Association of Marriage and Family
She has created a treatment modality that enables the partners to accept
responsibility for their parts in relationship problems leading to resolution
of issues without getting stuck in blame. She encourages self growth which
enhances couple growth and family development.