One of my best friends told me he liked me. After I found this out
he went away for the summer. We have kept up contact and I visited him
often. I think I may like him. The problem is another friend of mine who is
in town told me he likes me. I don't know which person I like or would like
to develop a relationship with. I am leaning more toward the new guy because
he lives nearby. However, my roommate and best friend has been romantically
linked with him, but he doesn't like her and never has. I think I really like
him and would I be an ass if I went after him? And what about my other
friend who is out town for the summer? We have been friends for over three
There are several issues here. One has to do with how you make
decisions about boyfriends, and the other concerns loyalties to friends. It
appears that the only reasons you are interested in these two guys are because
they have expressed interest in you and out of convenience. One happens to
be in town while the other is away for the summer. Convenience and their
interest in you are probably not the best of reasons for being in a
relationship. It's no wonder you cannot make up your mind. Perhaps you should ask
yourself whether you want to be in relationship for the sake of being in one
or whether you are interested in the two people, whether or not they are
interested in you.
There is a hint of desperation in your inquiry. Are you desperate to be in
a relationship? If so, you might want to explore the reason for being so.
If you are not desperate, then why are you even considering either one of these
The second issue concerns loyalties. You have two friends here. Your
roommate and the guy who is away for the summer. Friends are hard to
come-by. Romances, especially at age 21, come and go. Friends often last a
lifetime. Is it worth it to you to jeopardize either friendship by involving
yourself in a summer romance? As far as the guy in town is concerned, the
fact that he would use your best friend -- "he doesn't like and never has" --
suggests that he is not much of a bargain. Why not consider holding onto
your friends and seek romance elsewhere?
Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist,
Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing
psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years.
He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation,
couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and
assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing
Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.