I am 18 years old and I am dating a 22 year old guy. We are
sexually active and my parents know. I have been pregnant once and we are continuing to
have sex. I am not pressured to do this but I feel scared and wrong every time. How can I
express this to my boyfriend without offending him or turning him off?
You say you are not pressured into having sex yet you are afraid to tell the guy you
are dating that you would like to discontinue the sexual aspect of your relationship. This
leaves me with the impression that indeed you are feeling pressured; you are afraid that
he will stop dating you if you share your feelings with him. If telling him that you are
not comfortable having sex with him turns him off, then you might want to question the
depth of the commitment and the nature of the relationship.
Many teenage girls believe that they have to participate in sex out of fear of
losing their boyfriends. They feel insecure and doubt whether a guy could be interested in
them as a person. They prefer to capitulate on their personal values than run the risk of
losing their boyfriend. Sex becomes the basis for the relationship for the boy and
insecurity becomes the basis for the girl.
Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist,
Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing
psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years.
He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation,
couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and
assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing
Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.