QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
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behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.
I recently have had a relationship with
a 21 year old woman that lasted two months before she broke it off.
She told me how much she cared and I know she meant it. I can understand
her not wanting to get too close, but she never warned me that she
just wanted to be friends. I still want to talk to her and go on walks
like we once did. She says she doesn't deserve me and she said she
has to think about even wanting to talk to me. I really thought she
might be the one. What's wrong here? I really loved her.
As I hear you it sounds like you cared a lot more for this woman
than she cared for you and you are having a hard time accepting it.
You act as though just because you loved her and thought she might be
"the one" that she should feel the same way. Relationships do not work
that way. They must be mutual. Obviously you enjoyed her company more
than she enjoyed yours and because she does not share your romantic
feelings she is hesitant about even being friends with you. She apparently
feels that it would be uncomfortable for her and not fair to you.
When people say that they believe that they do not deserve another
person, they usually mean something like "I am not interested in you
the way you are interested in me. I am interested in others and therefore
do not deserve your feelings of love being directed at me. Go find someone
else who can share your loving feelings in a reciprocal manner."
Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist,
Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing
psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years.
He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation,
couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and
assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing
Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.