QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
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I live with my boyfriend and he writes his old girlfriends
birthdays and their ages down on his calendar. He keeps the same info in
his rolodex with their addresses. He becomes angry when I bring up getting
rid of them and tells me I am being immature and they are just friends. He
is also very jealous of me and doesn't want me to have any male friends.
I don't understand why it's OK for him and not me.
It appears that your boyfriend is trying to hold on to his past while saying that he is committed to you. By maintaining a list of old girlfriends he is able to continue to see himself as a player with his harem. Were this not the case, he would have no objection to your maintaining contact with your old beaus.
In principle, there is nothing wrong with men and women maintaining contact
with former lovers as friends. After all, they were intimate at one time and
in love. Just because the love stops does not mean that the friendship must
end. However, it is very difficult to maintain this in practice. When people
separate, there are usually residual feelings held by at least one of the
parties. Furthermore a new partner may feel jealous, threatened, or just
uncomfortable with an old girlfriend or boyfriend of their lover. Except in
rare circumstances where the friendship with an ex-lover has had time to
mature and work out the unfinished business, out of respect for one's partner,
and in order to reduce the potential conflict, it is often best to make a
clean break with one's past.
The other issue you raise, about having opposite sexed friendships, is a very different issue. These are friendships that have no prior romantic/sexual history. Men and women should have friends of both sexes. Anyone who tries to prohibit their partner from having platonic friendships with people of the opposite sex, has insecurities that should be resolved. Your boyfriend seems to be in this category. Possessiveness and jealousy always are signs of insecurity. He may be projecting his fantasies of his relationships on to you, believing that you would be doing with your friends that which he is thinking or doing with his.