I just found that my husband has been entering sexual chat
rooms and talking with other women about sex. I say this violates the vows of our marriage
and is the same as an affair. He says I'm being ridiculous and he is "just
experimenting." Who is right?
This is an increasingly common question--what are the boundaries of fidelity in
today's world of cybersex, phone sex, etc.?
Since you didn't send a copy of your vows we can't make an informed judgment about
your situation. A little humor--but seriously, only you and he can decide on what fidelity
means to you, what your contract is, and what you both want in your marriage. Have a long,
calm, dialogue and if you get stuck you may need to find a good psychologist to help you
hammer out a solution that fits for you both.
Dr. Al Cooper, clinical director at the San Jose
Marital and Sexuality Centre (408-248-9737), runs the training program for Counseling
and Psychological Services at Stanford University. Dr. Cooper is internationally
known for his work in sexuality and is freqently interviewed by the media. He
currently writes a column in Men's Health Magazine.
Dr. Coralie Scherer coordinates online services
for the Centre and specializes in sexual trauma, women's issues, and marital